Book Report: “The Imperfect Pastor” by Zack Eswine

Discovering joy in our limitations through a daily apprenticeship with Jesus

Zack Eswine is the pastor of Riverside Church (EPC) in Webster Groves, MO, and professor at Covenant Seminary. He’s also a prolific author. His latest book is “The Imperfect Pastor: Discovering joy in our limitations through a daily apprenticeship with Jesus” (Crossway 2015). In this book he confesses his own struggles with living up to the ridiculous expectations we set for our pastors (and for ourselves, as pastors). Many in our congregations expects superstars and we foolishly try to become them. But we can’t. We’re sinners. The book is unflinchingly honest, as Zack recounts a painful divorce that was as embarrassing for him as it was a surprise. He also describes an awkward transition into his current church—a transition that did not go swell, to say the least.

Through all his personal and ministry trauma, though, this doctored minister re-learned how to pastor, in the ways that really matter. He learned that his success at leading his flock depended on him daily accepting his limitations and receiving the grace of God we say we believe in. In the wake of his struggles, his inner life was reshaped by a new ambition, a new vision, and a new pace. And his work was re-oriented away from aspiring pastoral superstardom to the more humble work of caring for the sick and sinners that make up his congregation.

Zack’s honesty deserves some of my own. I didn’t want to read this book. Why not? Because pastors who publish seem more successful than me, and it makes me jealous—especially when I know them! I am acquainted with Zack and have enjoyed his company over a few lunches. He pastors some of my friends. He has writing, speaking, and intellectual gifts I don’t have. He guest-spoke at one of my seminary classes, and it was awesome. Genuine love for others pours out of his eyes in a way you probably will not see pouring out of mine.

In short, I did not want to read “The Imperfect Pastor” because I am an imperfect pastor! As much as 25 years in the ministry has taught me to learn to accept my limitations as an ordinary human being, there is still much inside me that dreams of worldly success: a growing church, published books, my name in lights. Many of us who become pastors become so for many bad reasons, and those reasons stay with us. I have worked mighty hard over the years to repent of this worldly perfectionism and accept my imperfections as the key to genuine ministry. I’ve made many strides. But in seeing a book called “The Imperfect Pastor,” written by a ministry colleague of mine down the street, and finding that I did not want to read it…well, it reminded me how much farther I have to go.

Which is why I knew I must read it. We should read the books we don’t want to read.

And it was good. Helpful, even. Zack and I are soul mates in ways that we will be able to recount in long heavenly talks over chilled heavenly brew. We are separated by just a few miles and a few key points in the Westminster Confession of Faith. More importantly, his struggles mirror my own, almost to precise detail. His recollection of being assured by his campus minister, Bob, that he had “already been discovered” by God in Christ is the exact same conversation I’ve had with myself countless times. We who never will be famous pastors are personally known and highly regarded by God in Christ. Jesus has discovered us and that is the only thing that matters.

“The Imperfect Pastor” has been written and read before. Eugene Peterson is the master of imperfect pastoring, detailed in classics like “The Pastor” and “Under the Unpredictable Plant.” But Zack writes with more humility and pain than I think Eugene does. Besides which, this is Zack’s story, told in his voice. On every page I felt as though Dr. Eswine was writing the book because he knew he needed to, for the sake of his own soul. Honestly, his style can feel a bit forced sometimes, and not all the illustrations work. But his writing is never anything but genuine. Which is the point.

I still envy Zack, and likely always will. How I wish I had the seemingly super-pastor abilities to pastor a church, serve on a local faculty, lead a family, and write great books all at the same time! How does anybody do that?! (Let alone do it well, as he does.)

Maybe someday. But if I can’t write the books, I’m glad someone else can—this one, especially. We sinner-pastors will always feel the temptation towards certain types of ministry success that are not healthy or good. If Paul can admit to being “the worst of sinners,” we also should realize that our primary role as pastors is not to teach, preach and lead. Our primary role is to model repentance and grace for all who care, for in doing so we encounter the Jesus who alone can save and lead. People might say they want a pastor who gets it all right. But what they need are the envious, conflicted, divorced, broken, fallen, lustful, ego-driven pastors who get it wrong, and are honest enough to admit it. Only by deeply, publicly, and continually acknowledging our imperfections before God can pastors become what we are called, for the sake of other imperfect people. Only by accepting our imperfections can we be made perfect by the One who truly is.

-MRH (7/20/2019)